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sending up an SOS … kind of

Yesterday I bit the bullet and asked my brother (or sister depending on whether he’s in control of his set of marbles or not) to help me. Long story still too long: when we fed-ex-ed Mom from Florida to NY she was still covered under Dad’s retirement health care. After she’d been here a few months she went to Medicare/Medicade. But in between that she wasn’t fully covered in NY. So even though she’s covered completely now, there was an outstanding balance. I paid for almost all of it but needed help with that last bit. I planned to ask for help but kept putting it off.

My name is Tia and I have problems asking for help.

I’m so used to doing everything that I don’t delegate or ask for help. Might be pride, might be stubborness. Who knows. All I know is it bothers me to have to ask anyone to help even when I know help would either solve it or make it possible. I can think of so many dubious reasons to blame it on: hate to lose (hell yeah), hate to be seen as weak, too long as a solo parent, my parents were mean to me (they were), My Mother is stubborn too, maybe she got it from me?

Yesterday was a good day for her. She had to think hard to find something to complain about. We played b-i-n-g-o, I won, she didn’t Her table mate didn’t win either but she usually misses half the numbers because she’s talking about her old dog. Mom slept through it anyway so I can just tell her she won and she’d  believe me. There is a new gentleman there now. A new inmate…’fresh blood’ doesn’t really apply. He looks similar to my Father and I’m hoping Mom never sees him full face. We are having a rough enough time keeping her off loopy lane. If she starts thinking that guy is Dad it would certainly be interesting. They could refuse to eat their vegetables together. With the holidays coming we will have a hard time with Mom. She was so ill last year that they passed with no real upset but this year she’s with it a good portion of the times so the music will set her off. And every guy with a guitar hightails it up to a nursing home to sing Christmas music. I think I’ll ask my brother to help out more as we get closer to that Holy Night.

I did bite the bullet and tell my brother and he didn’t take a second to respond with a “I’ll write a check” Wise move on both our parts. And the end to one more worry. Solved because I told myself to get over myself and just ask for help. The hardest part was the first five words. “I need your help please”

I see that this is a problem with me and because it’s one of the problems I can actually fix, I promise to ask for help more often.

Sooooooooo    anyone want to come rake my backyard for me, I could use the help

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