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invisible ink

remember the stuff? you’d look on the back of a comic book and alongside the ads for x-ray glasses and exploding gum you’d see “invisible ink” and you’d ask your parents for money to buy it and of course they’d tell you to use your allowance if you wanted it that bad… but you wouldn’t. Instead you’d use lemon juice and a toothpick which really didn’t work but you were a kid and your attention span would wander quickly and you’d be off on another quest. Or already begging your folks for the money to buy another treasure you saw in the pages of your comic book.  

I’m becoming invisible. Not in a fun way but in a no one needs me way. My first reaction was to curl up into a little ball and give in but today I’m feeling stronger.  I have a story I’ve written which I do not post because it’s fiction and people reading it might not realize that and I don’t need a gazillion e-mails asking me if I’m okay. The story is about children growing up and not being needed anymore by anyone. A therapist would have a field day with it and the parallels in my life right now. My story takes a side road as the main character prepares to die. While it’s crossed my mind, I’m not that way so that’s where the parallels end.

Last night I started to fade a little.  I must’ve done my job right because my children no longer need me for much of anything. Sure they like the laundry service and food prep and I’m sure they even like the ear or shoulder I lend but they do not need me, really need me. Actually part of my drop off from writing was my coping with my eldest moving out. Again. At least this time we’re on good terms and we speak daily, somethings too often. Instead of focusing on this I’ve focused instead on work and on writing out this story. I’m going to put up pieces of my story but only with the disclaimer that I am in no way the person in my story. I am just using writing a short story as a way to let myself cope with my eldest moving out and on. Kapeesh???


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