I know mine, it’s being ignored. Being treated like I just don’t matter and I’ve gotten a good dose of it lately.
Sometimes it seems to come from every side and none of those force shields I put up keep it out. It isn’t loneliness, I don’t mind alone time, I actually like it. People are fun but I admit I also like my Tia time to read and relax, play some poker, write a little, and just follow my little patterns.
What gets to me is feeling invisible. Like I don’t matter anymore. Like I’m only kept around because of my uses but when something better comes along I’m put back on my shelf like an old shoe, not useful or important until the next time I’m needed. That’s what makes me going into a funk.
And that’s when I know it’s time to recharge and refresh myself. Usually it involves some bonding with Mother Nature or some form of a change to remind me that I am important, at least to myself.
This time it’s two new toys. Two new old toys is more correct. Two antique pinball machines I’ll restore and probably end up selling. But for now they’re a project, a goal. Something I know I can do even though I’ll get frustrated and curse once or twice. As I work on these new old toys of mine I’ll rebuild my confidence and relearn my importance. It will come from inside me and slowly I’ll feel better and stronger. The confidence won’t come from the people around me, my family and friends. It will come from me and that’s the only way it works. Others can lift us up and make us all full of joy with their praise and their back pats but those things fade quickly if we don’t feel pride in ourselves.
And that’s my kryptonite: lack of self confidence and self pride causing me to forget who I am and feel invisible to others.
Self confidence and self pride. Things we all say we have but I think most of us don’t have. Little fears and cracks that we hide from everyone else lest they think we’re less than we are. Things we all feel but rarely admit to.
The best way to grow past them is to start with a seed of confidence in one little thing and water it by noticing the things we do, the accomplishments and goals we meet. Then as we notice those things we become more sure of ourselves and no amount of ignoring or overlooking by others can break us down. No mental kryptonite can defeat us. My metal kryptonite won’t touch me as long as I do what I do best and remind myself daily that I make a difference and I have mattered, even when I don’t think anyone around me remembers it’s true. So in my garage sit two seeds that need tending to remind me that I am good at what I do and maybe what I do isn’t for everyone, it is for me and it is part of what makes me …me. Not invisible, very important, and no amount of kryptonite can take that strength away from me.