6 Comments

here come the brides

 

I’ve been thinking about marriage. Not because I plan to walk the aisle of doom any time soon, but because I am watching a marriage trifecta unfold in the lives around me.

One soon to be wed couple, one soon to divorce couple, and one married almost sixty eight years couple. The beginning, the middle, the end.

 

I’ve been married before. It didn’t take too well. I was all in but unfortunately my husband was all in too, just in someone else’s arms. I had a problem with that. 

But that was over twenty years ago and I like to think I’ve healed up nicely.

 

And I have. I’m still a big fan of marriage. I tear up as the bride and groom say “I do” and I am always sad to hear of a marriage on it’s last legs. I don’t think marriage is a necessity or a automatic ‘get out of hell free’ card. I think it’s an honor and a privilege to love someone so much that you want to pledge all you are to them for your forevers.

People say marriage is only a piece of paper and not important but I think it is. 

We have so little in life that’s really truly our’s. Our name, our word, our lives and to give someone your’s as a sign of your love is special. To pledge to wake up each day together and face what happens side by side and to end each day face to face is the best bond of all. It isn’t the ceremony that matters. Although some people need to have those ribbons and bells and $2,000 wedding cakes, others opt for a few words in Vegas before their favorite Elvis impersonator or a quiet beach at sunset surrounded by their family and friends. It isn’t what you wear or how many groom’s men and bride’s maids you have.

It’s making that vow to face life hand in hand and see each other through it all. That’s what’s important.

Next month I’ll watch two people, I once held as babies, commit to each other and I’ll cry. I’ll also lend my shoulder and my ears to two dear friends whose roads are now going to be separate after twenty years together and yes, I’ll cry then too. And then I’ll celebrate with an Aunt and Uncle as they savor the past sixty eight years of life they’ve shared. Big surprise.. I’ll cry.  

I’ll look through photo albums and see each step they took. I’ll meet their newest great grandchildren and even one great great grandchild. And I’ll think about the vows they took when they told each other they’d be there no matter what. It’s more than a piece of paper and a ceremony. It’s a giving of all you are and meaning it. It’s trying your hardest to make it work and being able to pull it off. It’s a beautiful thing when it works and I’d like to think most couples go into it with plans for forever. Not all make it and that’s sad but some make it all the way and that gives hope to those starting out.  It doesn’t matter how you make the promise, it only matters that you make it with the best of intentions. Maybe some don’t make it but many do and I think that’s pretty amazing. I hope the wedding I attend is one of the ones that lasts forever.

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6 comments on “here come the brides

  1. In life, you never know what you’re getting into. You hop on the bus and see where it takes you. Marriage is like that. I’ve been married 20 years now and have no idea why. There have been plenty of bumps and curves and detours and accidents, but my wife and I are still talking to each other and staring out the window at the beautiful world outside. Frankly, for a marriage to last I think there has to me a certain amount of indifference on both sides. Expect less from your partner and more from yourself. You can’t invest your whole life in one person. I never expected anything from life and so have been grateful for whatever friendships and adventures happened to come my way.

  2. I think maturity is a major factor in staying married. Before you know it the party is over–friends move away, fashions change, relatives die. If one person in the marriage is still focused on having a good old time, it isn’t going to last. There’s a thousand other reasons marriages dissolve; I’m just saying–in most cases maturity is a pretty good glue.

    • so it appreciation. Seeing and appreciating the person you share your life with and the things they do for you. Focusing on the little things instead of wondering why there are no big things.

  3. Second time is lasting longer than the first. It’s seldom smooth sailing. You can only plan for the best and keep you eyes open.

  4. I’ve been married for eight years. It’s had its rough moments, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. There’s a nice comforting (not really the word I’m looking for, but you get the picture) feeling that comes with being married.

    I hope all is well!

  5. It’s my opinion that most couples marry during the “lust” stage of their relationship rather than waiting that period out. I’s further my opinion that if a couple waits out the lust stage then they will be in a better position to know if what they have are the ingredients for a lifelong commitment.

    My husband and I lived together prior to marrying, and as we were best friends prior to having an intimate relationship, we were committed to “weathering the storms” before the ceremony. So few of the couples we knew then are still together now. I suppose if one were to analyze each broken there would be unique causes for their breakdown. However, I wept at their weddings because I knew they were not right for each other. And then I wept again at their divorces too.

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